Boring day...
Well had a boring day... shall just post some jokes I came across while surfing around...
:)
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says
"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says,
"Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
Police: "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
Man: "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
Police: "Well, then we need a urine sample."
Man: "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
Police: "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
Man: "I can't do that, officer."
Police: "Why not?"
Man: "Because I'm too drunk to do that."
______________________________________________________
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.
The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."
______________________________________________________
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.
He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
______________________________________________________
A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."
______________________________________________________
How cops do it...
Cops do it by the book.
Cops do it with handcuffs.
Detectives do it under cover.
Policemen do it without a break for 12 hours.
______________________________________________________
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.
The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"
"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer
______________________________________________________
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
Of course", the lawyer replied,
"I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer,
"And what's your third question?"
______________________________________________________
All this came from this link....
:)
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says
"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says,
"Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
Police: "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
Man: "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
Police: "Well, then we need a urine sample."
Man: "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
Police: "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
Man: "I can't do that, officer."
Police: "Why not?"
Man: "Because I'm too drunk to do that."
______________________________________________________
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.
The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."
______________________________________________________
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.
He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
______________________________________________________
A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."
______________________________________________________
How cops do it...
Cops do it by the book.
Cops do it with handcuffs.
Detectives do it under cover.
Policemen do it without a break for 12 hours.
______________________________________________________
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.
The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"
"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer
______________________________________________________
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
Of course", the lawyer replied,
"I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer,
"And what's your third question?"
______________________________________________________
All this came from this link....
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