Was clearing....

Was clearing my cupboard earlier and I stumble upon a diary which I had Kept for a short period like 3 months.... and also some letters.....

Haha.. It just bring back the memory of me being younger.
Had a hobby back then of keeping pen-pals and writting silly stuff in the diary.
The letters were all kiddish??
Even the entries in the diary sounded like a 12 year old kid writting... haha

Reading the letters and the diary made me wonder....
if I had changed in anyway in course of the time...
or am I still pretty much the same??

Back then every entries in the diary ended with a prayer or a versus.
And all seem so innocent, just live and be happy everyday....
Even scolding from parents don't keep me down....

Back then it seem to be much more of a "Happy come lucky go"
But now its worrying about what should I do after this after that...

I seem to be searching for something... but don't know what......
No longer do I seem to be seeking HIM ernestly, I rarely touch the bible (though I try),
Now it just seem to be busy about nothing....
Realised that Life seem to be stagnant for a long long time, especially the spiritual one....
Its not as though I didn't realised it, but just don't know what to do about it.
Nothing really seem to ignite that fire..... Just passing by life as it is... comes and goes....
There seem to be a distance or a barricade in everything..... not sure if I am the one building it or it just came with time where your weary of things......

Well.... Might laugh here and there or be busy at things....
but it just feel so empty after that.....